When Parents Are Happy, Kids Are Happy

While visiting my son, Jack, in Washington this week,  we met Reid (2 ½) and his parents at dinner. The family is moving to Japan this week and staying for three-six years. Dad is an engineer for the Department of Defense and Mom works for a Seattle law firm. 

After looking at pictures and videos of vehicles, and patiently waiting for his food Reid,  was ready to explore something new, so I handed him my bracelets, and he practiced giving them to his mom, who said thank you every time, and then back to me, who said thank you every time. He was pleased and feeling generous.

Though the couple expressed excitement about their transition, there was still some trepidation. They will live on a different continent, thousands of miles from family and friends, and Reid’s early childhood years will look a bit different than if they stay in the U.S., I could see the worry on Mom’s face; Are we making the right choice? What will life be like? Will Reid be happy.

I shared a story that changed my life just 15  years ago (WOW, time flies) when Jack was 12. We were relocating from Lake Forest, a suburb of Chicago, back to the city where we had started our married life and Jack was born.  Our house sold way too quickly, which was good and bad.  I was teaching at the time, and we didn’t have time to find a new home so we rented one. The commute was chaotic; my youngest was eating McDonald’s pancakes on his lap, and we were exhausted from the traffic and being unsettled and disheveled. 

After making the crazy commute for a few days, we decided to book a resident suite hotel for the remainder of the school year, which ended up being pure bliss; free happy hour, an orange juice machine, and waffles on plates.  However, my mind kept playing the same tune, “Are we doing the right thing?  Are the kids going to be happy?  Are we going to make new friends?  Will they like their new school?  Will the grandparents ever forgive us for lengthening their commute?” Too late now!  We were going for it.

The kids became fast friends at the hotel with another family of three who was also relocating. They played Marco Polo every day after school and created a variety of pool races and other imaginative games.  

 I shared my worries openly with the mom.  And what she told me changed my life forever, “You have to do what’s best for you and your husband, and if you are happy, the kids will be happy. We have lived all over the world and are moving to Brazil (Hahahaha, moving 30 miles was nothing compared to this).” That was profound.  And right then and there, I understood that our kids follow our lead.  It was time to stay calm, focus on the positive, and have faith that we had made the right decision.  

So what happened?  My kids made friends from all over the city and learned flexibility and resilience, and they kept their old friends too.

Fast forward to Jack’s current transition.  After serving five years in the Navy as a submarine officer, he will move to New York in just a few short weeks, and I know that he will make new friends, keep the old, and be happy.

So, If you are facing a transition, job change, school change, or move to a new country, city, or even a new neighborhood, do what’s best for you, take care of yourself, and have faith!  There may be growing pains and hard feelings along the way, and your kids will be happy when you are happy!